Mommy's milk

Warning: Contains information about boobs.

I've been pumping milk for almost six weeks now. It's not easy, but I knew that already. The LC at the hospital said I should keep having Timothy latch on and sometimes I did and sometimes I didn't. Then this weekend something bad happened. At first I thought it was thrush and then things got better. Anyway the pain made me want to give up pumping. Adam was behind me 100 percent. His thoughts were that a happy mommy = a happy baby.

Well, I felt guilty for giving up pumping at the almost four month mark with Ryan so you'd better believe I was feeling guilty about giving up pumping at the almost six week mark with Timothy. I kept pumping, but it was SO PAINFUL. At one point we had to give formula because I'd frozen all my reserve from the day before and Timothy had to eat.

He refused. The look on his face said it all. This stuff is yucky and I don't want it. (Note: I am in no way bashing women who feed their children formula. I fed Ryan formula for nine months. I'm a firm believer in whatever works for you.)

So I HAD to keep pumping. At one point we thought he'd drank an ounce of formula only to discover he'd used the bottle as a pacifier and hadn't drank anything at all. Not long after he was awake and REALLY hungry. Sigh.

I was doing lots of reading. Either I kept pumping, figured out breastfeeding fast or... I didn't know. There's a forum for exclusively pumping (Eping) moms. I was one of those so I read and read until I found a few things that might have been helpful. I also went to a website for breastfeeding moms and discovered women managed to put baby back to breast up until the fourth month post partum. Maybe I could do this afterall. I really, really wanted to breastfeed Timothy and while I wasn't disappointed with Eping, something was going really wrong.

This morning when Timothy started rooting, to breast he went. He's fed there all day and it's going amazingly well.

Why would anyone post about this? You're kidding right? I am doing the happy dance. I have been doing the happy dance all day.

Let me clue you into the world of an Eping mom.

• Baby is hungry so you feed baby bottle and burp baby, change his diaper, too. (With Timothy that takes about a half hour. Ryan could drink a bottle in 10 minutes.)
• You pump for 10 minutes (which a lot of Eping moms will say is not enough time, but it was for Ryan and it was for Timothy too.)
• You put liquid gold into bottle for next feeding.
• Wash pump parts.
• By the time you're done that's at least 40 minutes and your two year old may or may not be happy, depending on the time of day.

You do this every time baby is hungry or you won't have a milk supply to speak of anytime soon. This includes the middle of the night, though I have been known to fall asleep and wake up to find I've missed a pumping session and am still holding a bottle that I was supposed to have fed Timothy who is next to me in bed.

If you want to go out anywhere as an Eping mom you have to take the pump with you. For us that required an extra diaper bag filled with hooter hider apron thingy, pump, extra bottles, batteries for pump and pump wipes. In addition, you have to know where you are going to pump while you're out... the car, family restroom or even the hallway to the women's bathroom at LL Bean.

So I am doing the happy dance and I'm praying that Timothy will continue nurse well (I can't imagine why he wouldn't since this is the drink he prefers). We're just going to keep working at it because this is so much easier.