A year ago

A year ago this Thursday makes one year since our lives were changed by the loss of a job. I say changed because it put so many things into perspective for me. It changed the way I think about a lot of things.

The first thing I've learned is that we live and we learn. We may think we know it all, but we're learning all the while. We make good decisions and we make bad decisions and we live with those choices.

I've learned that you can make plans about how life will go and then they don't go that way at all. By the time Ryan would have been born we would have saved up enough money to easily pay the hospital bill and make it through a few months of not having a job to enjoy the new baby. Instead by January we had no money in our savings account and were wondering how we would pay the bills for the next month. I was rather tired of hearing people say that God would provide and that we'd be okay. I didn't feel any of those things at that time.

Of course I was able to get a job and still have a job and each month we make it, sometimes we make it with some money left over and other things we just get by. But I have learned that God will provide. He sees us through to the next season (1 Kings 17:10-16). Speaking of God providing, just this week Adam received a paycheck from WM. One we weren't expecting. One that will help see us through.

I've also learned that there are people in this world who truly have the mind of Christ. They take to heart those words that say we are to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty... (Matthew 25:35) even when they are in one of these positions themselves. And there are those who pray without ceasing or becoming weary of heart (thank you from the bottom of our hearts!).

I've learned that no amount of chocolate will heal wounds caused by harsh words said in the heat of the moment. Those chocolates have been given and I've eaten just about all of them. Instead, healing comes with forgiveness... and it's not always easy, especially when people often speak without thinking. But we've all done that before. We're all in need of forgivness and we all need to give that same forgivness.

I've learned that it doesn't matter how much you prepare financially, mentally or physically, NOTHING can prepare you for the love you will feel when your baby enters the world. It's an incredible love. When you hold your baby in your arms and look at him or her and feel that love, you know that no amount of money can buy that love. You don't have to think about that love... it's just there. My mother-in-law once told me that on my wedding day I might have thought I loved Adam as much as I possibly could, but that our love would grow and grow and grow. Her words are true and I feel they also apply to how I feel about Ryan. I love him more each day.

A year ago my faith was weak. But through everything I've learned I know that God is with us. My faith has grown by leaps and bounds, but I suspect that just like the love I have for Adam and Ryan will continue to grow and though I feel I cannot possibly love them more than I already do, so will my faith continue to grow, more than I can possibly know.

While last year I may have not felt I had anything to be thankful for this year I do. And I haven't just felt that thankfulness this week, I've been feeling it for a long time. It's just nice to put it into words.